My Most Embarrassing Moment

     You know it has happened to you at some point in time. It can happen at any time. It usually happens when you least expect it. It is, of course, the, “I cannot believe I did that," or the most embarrassing moment in your life.  Mine is weird. It occurred while telling about my most embarrassing moment at the time. Do not understand. That is okay; you will once you read the story.

The setting is a college beginning of the year in-service. If you do not know what a college in-service is, that is fine, it is just a prologue to the story, and you will lose nothing. At this particular in- service, we attended several meetings in groups. My dear friend, Sander, was in my group that day. (That will be important information later during the story). In one of the more interesting meetings, as an icebreaker the presenter has a beach ball with writing on it. The object is that when you catch the beach ball, you will tell something about the phrase on which your thumbs point. When I caught the ball, my thumbs were pointing to “My most embarrassing moment."  This is no problem for me, and Sander agrees with me. You see, she was with me when I experienced my most embarrassing moment. Sander is a beautiful sophisticated southern lady, and she has the greatest sense of humor. This is the story we told, Sander helped me tell the story since she was with me at the time.

Sander and I took a trip to another college to evaluate a computer software package for developmental classes. We arrived at our destination around noon.  We decided to get a quick meal since we were not expected until 1 p.m. When it comes to fast food, we both avoid it as much as possible, but we needed a quick meal. There was an Arby’s on the way to the college. Arby’s is better than most among choices of fast food restaurants. Sander ordered first and I knew there was going to be a problem. The person behind the counter asked me “What do you want?"  Sander will tell you that he said that in plain Louisiana English dialect, but that is not what I heard. The man was speaking in a very different language. I figured out that he wanted me to order something. I ordered an Arby’s roast beef sandwich. He then said something again, but I have no idea what. I said, “What?” and looked at him with a total dead brain stare. Sander looks at me and immediately understands the problem. She said, in an extremely loud voice so that everyone in the restaurant can hear, “DO YOU WANT FRIES WITH THAT?"  Oh, “Yes, please," I said. Then he said something else and once again, I replied with a blank stare. Sander looks me in the face, and speaking to me as one might speak to a toddler, she slowly says, “DO YOU WANT REGULAR OR CURLY FRIES?” I replied, “Oh, curly fries, thank you.”  As if this were not now humiliating enough, the young man behind the counter again muttered something unintelligible. Once again, I responded with my total brain dead stare. Sander, in the same loud slow voice said, “DO YOU WANT A DRINK WITH THAT?”  I said, “Oh, yes Coke “. Now the man behind the counter is apparently telling me how much money I owe, but once again, his language is completely incomprehensible to me. However, at this point I knew he wanted me to pay. I reached into my pocket and pulled out all the money I have and put it down on the counter. He then hands me back a dollar of the money I gave him.  Everyone in the store must have thought I was a patient at the state hospital, and Sander was my caretaker. Well, that is embarrassing for a college math instructor. This is the story Sander and I both share to this day. Now it is time for what you have been waiting for, “My most embarrassing moment.”

The next person to get the ball is a wonderful lady named Dawn. She had to tell a story about something you keep for which you have no use.  Dawn said something, now stop right here for a minute. She is speaking in perfectly plain English, but once again, I cannot understand. What I heard was Dawn explaining that she did not know why she keeps her plaster casts. I am imagining the plaster cast that your dentist makes when you need a tooth replacement. I say in a voice everyone can hear, similar to Sander’s Arby’s voice, “My dentist told me to keep mine.”  Everyone in the room starts laughing. I do not understand why everyone is laughing. So, I said, “Well, he did.”  Sander then looks at me and says in a voice only Sander can use, “That is not what she was talking about, Michael. She said her breast prosthesis.” All I can say is “Oh my God.” I put my head down on that table, and did not say another word the rest of the in-service. 

©2012 Michael L. Wright